Hello, I Love You

You'd think I do my best writing in the evening, the alcohol in my veins bringing the emotions to the surface. But no, every time I try I get… something like this.

No, I do my best writing first thing in the morning. After spending the night lying awake, thinking of you.

After you said what you did, I had some vague hope that maybe, maybe the knowledge would make it easier to sleep.

But, let's be honest… part of me has known. Part of me has known this whole time… the early days, with those smiles over your shoulder…

Maybe even further back… gosh, we've known each other for so long now… almost a quarter of my life.

Do you know I've liked you too much that entire time?

When I needed a ride, she told me to call you… and I did. And you did. But even back then, I was as nervous as a schoolboy.

But the first time I remember ever thinking that maybe… maybe it wasn't just a little crush. And maybe… maybe it went both ways… was when I was recruited to return the favor, that night you locked yourself out of your car.

It was only a moment. Probably a fraction of a second. But I'd swear you hesitated… our hands, inches apart. And you hesitated. Before running in to grab your spare key.

How long ago was that? Four years? Five?

We've grown so much closer since then, especially this past year. Especially these past few months.

And now I know — I know it goes both ways. Because you told me. Right in front of everyone.

You stole my line, by the way. It's been my plan for better than a year to say those words to you, the first opportunity you gave me. Of course, first opportunity you gave me, I choked, lol. And, looking back, it almost seems like you had set it up for me. Almost. And I choked.

But you didn't.

And now I know.

So now I'm sitting here, figuring out how I can possibly tell you, and soon. And dreaming of a little pocket universe we could escape to in the meantime, to teach each other everything there is to know… No worries, no fears, no expectations… be as we are, explore each other, mind, body, and soul. Freely. Talking. Touching. Touching and talking.

I need you to know that you are loved. You are seen.

And I think maybe I have always loved you.

And I know that I always will love you.

Til the stars burn out and the universe collapses in on itself. And even that can't stop love… just delay it a bit.

Goodnight, my love. Goodnight.